Why-Not-Me
What is Why-Not-Me?
Feeling it should have been you, not them. A painful and common response to outliving someone.
When you might feel why-not-me
Why-Not-Me is a specific form of survivor-guilt, which itself is a type of guilt. You might experience this feeling in situations where guilt is present, particularly when the circumstances align with the nuances that define why-not-me.
Emotional Hierarchy
Explore Why-Not-Me on the Interactive Wheel
Use our free interactive feeling wheel to explore why-not-me and discover related emotions.
Open Grief & Loss WheelRelated Emotions
Wishing you had done something differently. This is often the mind searching for...
Sorrow over actions or inactions before the loss. Genuine remorse can be worked ...
Replaying what you could have changed. The mind loops, searching for the exit th...
Feeling you don't deserve to be okay when they aren't....
Feeling disloyal when you start to feel better. As if moving forward betrays the...
Feeling you were not enough for them — as a partner, parent, friend, caregiver....